Those Three Little Magic Words

Maybe I’m being sentimental, but as I get older my heart feels increasingly drawn to those three little magic words: 

“I don’t know”. 

Nature abhors a vacuum and human nature abhors a vacuum of knowledge. We’ll do almost anything to resist not knowing – or at least admit not knowing. 

To not know feels uncomfortable, risky, vulnerable, out of control. To admit we don’t know feels like a weakness, embarrassment, bruise to the ego. 

Of course it’s not just the not knowing. It’s the feeling that, somehow, someone like us should know. 

So if we don’t, that’s a clear mark against us. It raises awkward questions. It’s a loss of face. Hardwired into the system, quick as a flash, we’ll do anything to avoid that. 

And so the little storymaker in our heads goes to work. It takes what little we do know, then strings it out and fills in the gaps until we have into something more satisfying. 

Hence, what we think we know doesn’t have to be true. It just has to feel complete. If that requires us to make stuff up, well, we can do that so quick and easy we don’t even know we’ve done it. 

Which is a shame. Because it often deprives us something better. 

To know something, only one thing can be true. To not know allows limitless possibility. 

More important, in most cases, the stuff we’ve used to fill in the gaps is not only untrue, it’s unhealthy. It’s made up not of facts but pseudo-facts, what-ifs, should-bes, worries, and fears. Which sends us off into all the wrong directions. 

It’s how we “know” that our idea was better. 

That our boss is secretly trying to push us out. 

That a nasty surprise is a sign of disaster, not a lucky break. 

Why we don’t really need to listen to other person because we already “know” what they’re going to say. 

Admittedly, I can’t be sure. But I’ve got a feeling we don’t really know as much as we think we do. It’s even possible that what we think we know isn’t helping as much as we think it is. 

Which is why, going forwards, I plan to find a way, every day, to say those three little magic words: “I don’t know”. Especially to the ones I love. 

Cheers!